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Saturday, April 28, 2012

The Freedoms of Honesty

Hello! I just want to inform you that due to my daughter activities, I will post on Wednesday. This is temporary for now. I will let you know when I change back to regular schedule.


The Freedoms of Honesty

    Are there days when you wish upon a star
You don't care where you are
This is what you see
You and me in this sea
Drama free
I couldn't help but just be 
Understand honesty is me


Wednesday, April 25, 2012

Internally, Can't Get It Back

   (Due to I have a busy day Thursday, you are receiving the post early)    
      To the women who has been abused sexually, mentally, emotionally, verbally and physically. It's amazing how you loose apart of yourself. Talking with one of my good friends reminds me that we won't NEVER get it back. Some people might see us as mental ill but we not. 
   I think of the person I used to be. You look at children, the innocents is so beautiful.  Tears fills your eyes because you wish you could  have it just for a second. You know that isn't possible. You learn to grab hold to what you can. Especially, the special moments that can't be recorded only in your heart. Facing this reality is truth. No one deals in truth anymore. Where someone else may bite their tongue, you would speak the truth. It's like you don't care. After you have been torn into internally no one can't relate to this pain. Yes, you are put back together, there are patches everywhere. You love again but you don't have the full passion as once before. Because a flashback will transport you but it is process. A process that will take you back and forth. If the man can't relate to where this woman has been you don't know what button might be the trigger. 
  To boys who thinks they are men you aren't ready. Don't play the games. We know the games. The abuser taught us so well that we can smell you before you hit the step. So, keep it moving,please. Men who are ready to take the challenge you better be for real. If you make a mess this time might send her over the edge.

Tuesday, April 24, 2012

Life Please Slow Down

  Yes, I know you all have heard that you shouldn't complain because it could be worse. That is true but we all want life to slow down just a little. The type where you can get up in the morning appreciate the bird singing or your child or children laughter. Life do keep you so busy that you forget to enjoy the small things. I know for me I wish I could just get up go where ever my heart desires. I know that day will come. The question is when? As I would tell someone else don't do the woulda, coulda, and shoulda song. You won't ever know if you don't do it. Please be wise in the process, most of all enjoy it. Nike said it best " just do it!"

Saturday, April 21, 2012

Craven County Time To Vote!

   Remember I said that the primary is around the corner. Well, its here! The early voting started Thursday, April 19. The last day to vote is May 5, if I am correct. If you don't get to vote in the early, please vote on Tuesday, May 8. Also, remember the vote against Amendment One. Again, if you would like more information on this law visit www.protectncfamilies.org
   Next, look up information on the people that are running. This election the people of Craven County have to vote in the following categories:

  1. NC District Jugde-Dist.3
  2. County Board of Education-Dist. 5
  3. NC Auditor
  4. NC Commissioner of Agriculture
  5. NC Commissioner of Insurance
  6. NC State Senate-Dist. 2
  7. NC House of Representatives-Dist.3
  8. NC Superintendent of Public Instruction
  9. NC Treasurer
  10. NC Secretary of State
  11. NC Lieutenant Governor
  12. NC Governor

   The first category is NC District Judge. The three gentlemen that are running for this position is David McFayden III, Kirby Smith,  and Bernard Bush. These gentlemen websites are linked to their names. Please make the best choice according to your standards. Also, if you are unsure where you can early vote or vote on May 8. Here is the link www.cravencounty.com/departments/elc/CravenCountyPrecincts.cfm  to the Craven County elections page for your precinct. If you have any more questions concerning the election, please call (252) 636-6610.



References:
Craven County Elections: www.cravencounty.com/departments/elc.cfm





Thursday, April 19, 2012

I'm Home

  We all been in relationship in that you thought you met the right man or female. Time goes by, everything is good but then comes the cliff. Women and men came to a point that if we didn't go we knew where we are going to be. Unfortunately we wouldn't be as lucky like Madea. When I wrote "Making It Home" I was in a place that this relationship was going be forever. It didn't work out that way, it took a  bad turn. Now, I have part two for you. I hope this will rejuvenate  relationships. Please enjoy!!

Making It Home

I rest my head upon your bosom
I breathe according to your heartbeat
Every tear I shed is a testament to you
As I eat the bitter, sweet love making in your mind
Her sweet soft tones of intimates woes
Would make a man crave for her satisfaction
Gentle touching caressing his mescaline face
Her curves connecting to rough grip hands
His love swallows her with the pleasure
That she want for an eternity
"As we lay"the eternity turned into the next fifty years
A wish a hope upon a star did turn the wanted dream
It was full realty
More love and passion than this relationship have ever known
For the time we shared it gave me that feeling of home

Now I'm Home

I thought I made the feeling of home 
Learning to let it free years later
I'm a survivor 
Continuing to be afraid to love
Yes, let it free
I'm trying to fight my fear
Love has gently entered my heart
The open arms protect me with care
I hear the words
Let me love you
Now, you are home

Tuesday, April 17, 2012

Let It Free Everyday (LIFE)

    Have you ever seen someone walking, he or she seem like they dragging that leg or foot. As you continue observe the person you realize that if they just pick that leg or foot up he or she would move better and stumble not as much. That's how life gets you sometimes. You don't realize it until someone else tells you. Really, you knew but didn't want to realize it. You are afraid too stumble. That what life is stumbling, falling, screaming, crying, birth, and death. You may say I know this why are you telling me this today or what is the purpose? I can't tell you but whatever it is. Let it free everyday (LIFE)!

Saturday, April 14, 2012

Warning Signs of Abusive Personality

    Readers, I don't like to go very personal on "My Free Thoughts" but today I will. I am a survivor of an abusive relationship. I was thinking there are a lot of women who don't know the signs still. I am not trying to be mean but be real. We have people in this world who have knowledge and NO common sense. There are people like you and I who has both. If you have both you are going to look deep before you leap, seriously for real you will three or as many times before you step into a relationship with the signs. At this time I want to warn everyone, especially women  of the signs. I would like you to visit this site www.pennybealememorialfund.org for more about the signs of abusive personality. Also, women who are doing online dating. If this male asking questions like he is the police, demanding your attention, pushing himself on you, these are a few signs to cut conversation at that moment. If you decide to meet someone in person from online. Ladies, DO NOT go by yourself. Please MEET in a public setting!! Please take someone with you. LOOK OUT FOR YOUR well being first. Please take warning to the signs.
     Here are the signs:

1. Jealousy
2. Unrealistic Expectations
3. Isolation
4. Hypersensitivity
5. Threats of violence- let me give you another view on this you all remember Blair Underwood character in "Medea Family Reunion". Well, sometimes that character can come a little tighter in his game. You have to LISTEN to his words. HOW the tone of the words are used. OH! While it hits my mind DO NOT take anything from these men. They take it as if you OWE them. They will give threats like "I will kill you" or "hurt you".
6. Cruelty to children and animals
7. Verbal abuse- Constantly criticize blatantly, degrades, curses at you and call you ugly names
8. Rigid sex roles- you stay at home while he runs the street, give him sex when he wants it, etc.
9. Sudden Mood Swings
10. Past Battering-the favorite that television and the world has heard. "They made me do!"

I will do more on this from other points of views. No woman should be treated this way. Ladies be safe! Please contact me questions or concerns at writer.poet.crouell@gmail.com.

References:

Healthy Place www.healthyplace.com
Penny Beale Memorial Fund www.pennybealememorialfund.org/abusivepersonality.html

Thursday, April 12, 2012

What Is Next?

     You ask the question what am I suppose to do now?   I have open my heart. It feels nice to feel again, but afraid to the unknown. Yes, unknown? You wish you knew you could know who is out to hurt you or just trying to make you look bad. That isn't possible, completely unreal. What comes to mind is when a baby take their first steps. It's funny to me how some babies take their first step, it seem like they take off running. Then other babies are too afraid. They are afraid they will get hurt or don't want to fall. Well, we all fall in life. Do you get back up? The song said it all. What if the air get knocked out me? I have to rest and recuperate. Sometimes you can't recuperate because you won't  get back out there.You peak your head in the curtains of life just to see what's going on. Then it's closed again. When you closed the curtains opportunities pass you by. The battle of  contentment  and desire begins. This is where your faith will kick in or you faint. If you faint then your contentment has won. You aren't going to care to have more. What you have is what you have. Am I going to help someone to receive better? No, because I am content in what I do. If you faith kicks in, then you are going to pray, search and hear for a word to let you what direction to take. When you get that direction, the desire to share with others completes you. You look for the next project with anticipation.

Tuesday, April 10, 2012

Open My Heart

     We all get hurt in life. It's just the way its goes. Yes, we make mistakes along the way that cause us to grow. Have you ever ran into that person, who show loves. The moment you have to get close to he or she. They shut down. You ask yourself how? Why? When? You say that he or she shouldn't let that hurt run their life. Well that easier said than done. There might have been a time he or she was reaching out and open their heart. I know from my experience church folk will do it. The partner, spouse, or boyfriend can hurt you until you become a hollow hole internally. Your body and mind goes through emotions that no one can  mentally express. You might  say I can handle the hurt. I want to be loved.
    You know that the ONLY way to receive love is to be open. That battle begins internally. Oh! It's a ugly fight. You will find yourself in tears. The emotions that you once barred to just move on. It hits you like a brick. I know personally, I feel if I start crying I wouldn't stop. I wouldn't cry or you might have heard that you cry about everything. I see it now as your way to keep myself pure and cleansed when you cry. I challenge you to move the pain. I NEED you to open your heart. Here is a piece of work by 
Mellanie Crouell entitled "Open My Heart".


Open My Heart
Mellanie Crouell

For years I open the door
But I wouldn't let anyone in
I would show love and affection
Just as I should
When it’s my turn
I shut down and push him away
Now, I am battling this fight
It’s time to let someone in
Fear of hurt is haunting me
Remembering the pieces of me
Once swept away
Do I deserve this love?
Yes, you have to let him inside
So, he can breathe into me

Saturday, April 7, 2012

Move On, Just Stop

    If you may remember in one of my post, I put that some of your friends that you thought would be there with you to the end. He or she might not be there. Well, I experienced that several months ago. I have moved on, some times others don't so quickly. I'm learning that people want what they want. They also feel you should do it the way that want you to do it. Everyone is different and not going to think the same. That isn't good enough, you question yourself looking for answers. Only to find that you are done. There is nothing else you can do. They tell you that you owe me. Most people say if you nag me I will give it to you to get  him or her out of my hair. I'm the opposite. You nag me I just hold it, until. I feel within that if I do give in the nagging won't stop. The adventure of what can I do to get a response will continue in a different form. I will say if it is something important to tell me, such as life or death, let me know. Anything less or more than that will be discontinued.

Thursday, April 5, 2012

For Your Information


Readers, if you remember I wrote a post on “Your Family Is at Risk”.  The time to vote on Amendment One is getting closer. Tuesday, May 8 is around the corner. Yes, it’s still April but I want you to spread the word.  I have been hearing conversation concerning this bill. I kindly inform them that it isn’t about the gay marriage or rights. This is a decoy to get this bill passed. If you haven’t read the post please educate yourself on this law. Voting for this law will hurt so many families. This is serious. As this nation voted to put President Obama in the White House, I want you all to vote this bill out!

            An issue that is storming the surrounding area is the protesting against the ferry fees. For years the ferry was free to all travelers. The state told the DOT that they had to come up with $5million in revenue. Well, this was their way to get the revenue. People are facing hard times. We have a budget that can’t be stretched for others. According to the “Sun Journal” that the citizens of Pamlico couldn’t come to an agreement on hire a lobbyist at the meeting in February. They wanted to have another meeting with General Assembly before the tolls go into effect. The toll has been scheduled for April 1, 2012.  The meeting with General Assembly will be in May. A suggestion was made to get Rep. Norman Sanderson to plead their case. This wouldn’t cost the tax payers more money. Having Rep. Sanderson plead the case will save tax payers money. I won’t save them money paying these toll fees. It’s expensive to add another $20 dollars a month or more to their budget.  Especially to the people who work, veterans need to get to the base for their medical treatment. Yes, some people feel that we fought now let it go. I feel you can’t let this fight go until the people receive a fair solution.

            Residents of Craven County, if you want to help President Obama to be re-elected, give your time. I know you say I don’t have time to do this or that. This is for you as well. Give your time if it is just thirty minutes or hour. Your vote can save this country or your area from more hardship. We need to register as many voters as possible. Most of all show our President that you got his back.

References:

Tuesday, April 3, 2012

Response to Courageous

  Reading the comment to "Courageous", I know several women who raised boys, rather young men. Their sons turn out fine. They are successful educated with families. I'm not saying that. Maybe there is someone you feel can't raise boy into a man. What I've seen from my experience that if there wasn't a man in the household. These young men in today's society would turn to gangs, drugs,peer pressure,or any other downward path. You have young men who has that father in the house. That father teaches his son the right path, how to respect and honor a woman. That isn't the case in for a young man who have that father in the home, who isn't setting that example. This young man is facing the same path. If he decide to break the mold. He has to fight all type of negativity from his Father, Mother and relatives. This young man is own a journey by their self. For the young man that is looking for acceptance, guidance and love. The movie"Courageous" inspire and encourage men to step up to build a new generation of men. We have let enough fall by the waste side. I challenge all men to step up. You may ask what else can I do? I know you feel  I have enough on my plate. Sure, you do but take it another level at home. If you have a son or daughter have that individual time, find out what's on their mind. Yes, we all get tired. It our responsibility to protect this gift that has been given to us. If you do ask that question. The answer will present itself to you at the time you will  not look for it. I want to hear about your experience. Your experience will help someone else.