Courageous

Back in January or February, I was invited to a local church movie night. The movie was "Courageous". This movie was emotional, powerful and encouraging. The opening of the movie puts you on your toes. Your are screaming, praying, and holding your breath at the same time. This movie is a testament that we need more good men and Fathers. We see too many of these young men in prison. Then, once this young man once he is released from his sentence. He is now older he is placed in society. This man is scared because prison walls is all he know. It is time for men to be better husbands and fathers. First, these men/boys having sex with these girl/women, and don't want to be a Father. Also, they didn't have the influence of a Father figure in the home. They don't realize that they are  responsible for that seed they both created.  She didn't laid down by herself to have sex, nine months later decide to put her life on hold. I want these boys/men to know that you aren't hurting these girls/women.You are hurting an innocent child. This child need love and parents. He or she wasn't asked to come into this world.The male need to be responsible for their own seed. The girl/woman get pregnant don't want to be but have to deal with the decision that was made. These women can't put down this child and pick him or her up when they feel like it. This is another life that  they both are responsible for. Yet, this young man don't get that concept. Now, the help from Social Services aren't there to help you to get ahead. It is more to keep you on the system. When she attempts to take the right step by going back to school or take vocational course. Which she could make more money. Her services are cut from Social Services. She has to figure out how to survive to take care of a child that you don't contribute. Please let me say this if you do pay child support. This DON'T MAKE YOU A FATHER. A father spends time with their child. He fills the need of the child without being asked. Why should she asked when its your child too. These men/boys feel that she is forcing him to be a Father when they don't want to be. One of solution to the problem is men show these boys/ men how to be men, Fathers and husband. Because I need one. The future women of the next generation deserve a good man.

In The Mood Of Ole School

 Hello Readers!! 


    I hope your day has been well. I was in the feel of some music. Here's some of my favorites. Let's begin with the O'Jays.


Stairway To Heaven

Earth Wind and Fire _ September, Would You Mind

Johnny Mathis ft. Denise Williams
I hope you enjoyed these videos. Please share some of your favorite songs/ videos. Maybe we can have a battle of music. I would love to see who will win! Readers, sorry I was hoping that the post would be ready and it isn't yet.  I will do the post as soon as I can. Please keep check in for the post. Thank you for your support!

Being Placed With A Challenges

     Most of the day I have been trying to decide what do I want to write about today. As I sit here in this chair nothing is comes to mind. I am not feeling my best lately.I have been going through an experience. It isn't knew to me but do you ever wonder why you are in a place or position. Why does it seem like when you enter that place or position. It seem like hell has just broken loose. The more you try to get away from the position. The more you realize that you are made to stay there in that place. While you are in that place, you face all emotional stress. Your body feels things that you thought that was once barred. You come back from that side looking for some help. Yes, you call your friends. They can relate but it isn't nothing like going through it. You know you have been placed in this place for a reason. Why do I have to be on guard? You are so on guard that you can't give what is needed from you. Just the simplest mistakes are taken to whip you with it. The mistakes aren't intentional. The reaction to the mistake makes you feel as if you are the dumbest person on earth. The sympathy that you once accepted don't rise no more. I can tell your higher power. He will solve the problem.  Yet, still I rise!! 

Where To Find The Answer To A Life Question

     As boys and girls we grow up saying I want to be a dancer, etc. Usually whatever we see on television. Yes, your parents has their occupation but that isn't who they are either. As you continue to grow up your parents say you are so good at this and that. That talent or skill wasn't embraced. So, life takes you on a journey with the question, what is my purpose?


    For others it might be different how they got there but the question still remain what is my purpose? The dream you had as boy or girl that you was so passionate about could been your dream. Life goes on you learn life lesson, it may change. If anything makes you feel good inside to make you a better person. Most of all make people around you better, I feel that is your answer. Now, the dream is put aside to give to family and children. You continue to fill that emptiness or the filling what am I missing and the shoulda, coulda, woulda. I want to encourage you its never too late. I hear that so much for people. I think about the Bible. If Sarah can have a baby at the age of 99, that what the Bible say. Then, anything possible! Ask your higher power for guidance to lead you. Do your research, take the small steps in doing what  it is necessary to get started. Your purpose will show through others. When others might feel that you are gone crazy. Internally, you will know that this your answer.


     If you aren't still sure, write down things that you like to do that make you feel good. Then write the dreams. It might help if you get out and do volunteer work in that area to see if you are good at this particular skill. The answer will come when you least expect it.


     

What It Like To Be Served cont.

"Lane, Lane! yelled Dad.

"Yes, what is it?" she asked.

"What was you doing? I called for you twice."

"Dad, I was in my room listening to music. I couldn't hear you because I had my headphones on."

"Lane, would you take off my shoes, please?" asked Dad.

"No, Mom said when this day come to tell you. No. If you think I'm being disrespectful. I will show you the letter."

"Go get it now!" he commanded.

Lane slowly walked to her room calmly and confident. She promised her Mom that no man will make her a servant. Her Mom told her to get an education, travel the world, all of it at your fingertips. The more Lane remembered what her Mom told her. A smile of joy and happiness began to show outward.

"What are you smiling about?" asked Dad.

"Nothing, Dad. Here is the letter."
Lane handed her father the letter knowing everything Mom said before she died was true about Dad. He read the letter with tears filling his eyes."
"Dad, are you crying? I haven't seen you emotional since Mom gave us the news about the cancer." said Lane.

"Lane your Mom sound so happy in this letter. It bring back memories when we went on our first date. I thought she was so beautiful. God gave me a gift. I didn't take care of her like I should. I can't get my angel back. I took advantage of her. She used to tell me that the kids are going to grow and have their lives. We need to have ours now, so when they start theirs we won't miss a step. Lane, your Mother treated me like a King. I didn't treat her like the Queen she should have. I blame myself daily." Dad replied.

"Dad, you know what you did wrong. It's is time to heal. Be there for us while we are here. I pray God give you someone who you will cherish like you should. Dad, who should be served?"

Poetry

Love Is Moving Out

Stepping into the window

Looking for answers that can't be given

Being desired sexually

I have confessed my love

The games continually to be played

Laughing at me when the reaction

Tickle your fancy in every way

I'm not looking to be played

I want to be loved

You told me what you won't do

This can't be anymore

Because hurt is making its home with me

My Love

In and out of this emotional path

Wanting to be loved without the game of back and forth

Heather said it best "I wish I wasn't in love with you. Because you never going to change"

You make me want to break the chains

Once I had given myself to you our spirit connected

It was our responsibility to make it work, but

Why didn't you protect it?

President Obama: Look At The Facts

If someone ask me what you think of when you hear President Obama name. I think of an intelligent man who didn’t have much. He worked hard to have the American dream. He did just that! He is a man that loves his family. I also say First Lady Michelle has a great man. Second, I think of how he has kept his cool. At a time when the odds are against him, the negative comments and media are smacking him down with his decisions that were made. If you have seen the video, his mother had ovarian cancer. Which he watch her die due to not having healthcare. After several Presidents has attempted to tackle this huge issue. President Obama succeeds. The healthcare bill was passed. This is a man who has a heart for people. He isn’t trying to do what is going to make him look good. He is for the people. He hasn’t always had the best. President Obama hasn’t forgotten where he has come from. I rather have that person sitting in the White House who knows what it is like to struggle, taking care of a family and living day by day. Than someone who haven’t wonder where their next meal is going to come from. How they are going to put clothes and shoes on their children. As I watch Romney, I heard him in one of the debates say he would have let our automotive industry go down. President Obama didn’t do that. He risked knowing that the workers would suffer at a time where the stock market was bottoming out. No jobs mean any money; President didn’t want a depression to take place. I know what it is like. I was unemployed for almost a year. I used all my saving to survive. Last summer I was about on my last leg when the door of opportunity opened for me. This occurred when the job market was starting to look up.  Well all remember 9-11. That day will be remembered for all the lives that were lost. President Obama commanded the Navy Seals to kill Bin Laden. The mission was successful. He gave our country closure after ten years. The ad you see gives the accomplishments. Our people look at the facts. DON’T BELIEVE WHAT YOU HEAR. That is what President Obama wants you to look at. Roll back the curtain; I remember where I was in 2008. May I ask the questions to you are you better now or worse?

I Can't HELP You With This

"Writer, how are you?"


"I am fine. I wish...."


"Are you getting tired lately? You have been doing some great work."


"Yes, I am. I need more time and rest. Thank you, I have heard that too. I have to believe it."


"I know what you want. This is a part of life. I witness what happened yesterday. I know. Can't change it you have to let it go. You have to let people think what they want. I know and you know, that what counts. Your answer from the past will come in due time."


" I do hear you. I am not crazy. Are you telling me that?"


"I didn't go there."


" That is mean. At least you are honest. I can't let my thoughts constantly replay and beat me up. I can't change it. I have to let it go. The answer that I once wanted I don't care to happen. I just want the feeling to go away. I really like to beat that person with every bit of  my energy to feel my hurt. I know you can't help me. God have to help me with this one."


" Yes, he do. This isn't in my area."

Still Here

Hello Readers!!
     Today is the 20th post. I want to thank you all for checking in to read my thoughts, opinions, poetry and story. I can't say thank you enough. When I started this blog. It was something to clear my head of all life issues. You know how life can take you by storm. You get overwhelmed wondering if you can make it the next day or not. You get that voice of encouragement from someone that reminds you that you can go on.I wasn't sure to share this with everyone or not but I see I have made the right decision.  I thank you everyone for those words of encouragement. As I sit here thinking tears begin to fill my eyes thankful for surviving my journey day to day. We all have a testimony. My mind goes back to a old sermon it was entitled "BUT GOD!" This is what I know!! RIGHT, KIM!!! I am still in transformation. I get excited like a child asking are we there yet? God is like Mellanie. You still get amazed of what I have done and still do. I do tell him. You do remember what I have done in the past. He tells me that is the past. Sometimes we all feel that we don't deserve the things we receive. Well, that isn't the process for everyone. Before I leave you to begin my day. My books are being sold at Beads and Bowls downtown New Bern across from Mitchell Hardware Store. The books reviews on "25 Days of Roses" and "Sweet Dreams" should be posted soon by Raychelle Muhammad. The young lady that interviewed in February. Continue to keep me in your prayers, if there is anything that I can do to help someone. LET ME KNOW!

Your Family Is At Risk

     We all love our families. You never think that anyone would harm a relatives despitefully to make an point. I feel that Amendment One is used just for this purpose along with others.

     Amendment One is a law that were based off out three bills that were filed by the NC Senate and House. The bills are SB 106, SB 514 and HB 777. The base of the bills were against same sex marriages. Here are the facts! The Amendment One will show on the ballot "Marriage between one man and one woman is the only domestic legal union that shall be valid or recognized in this state" on May 8th. Personally, I feel they use the same sex marriage as a decoy to get the people to vote for this bill/law. As I received a fact sheet on this Amendment, children, seniors, and parents are going to be affected the most if this is passed. 

Here are the reasons to not vote for Amendment One.

Strips legal protections from children.

A child of an unmarried parent could lose their health care and prescription drug coverage, putting the child’s heath at risk.

A child could be taken away from a committed parent who has loved them their entire life if something happens to the other parent.

It threatens existing child custody and visitation rights that are designed to protect the best interests of a child.

Could take away domestic violence protections for all unmarried women.

 The amendment is a dangerous step backward for domestic violence and stalking protection.
Domestic violence protections could only apply to married couples.

In Ohio, where a similar amendment passed, this loophole has allowed convictions to be overturned.

This amendment has the power to leave open for question how North Carolina’s domestic violence laws are applied—threatening our state’s victims of domestic violence.

“This [post-amendment] period of uneven application and uncertainty will only mean fewer protections for the already vulnerable as well as an enormous waste of state resources.”

– Professors Maxine Eichner, Barbara Fedders & Holning Lau, UNC School of Law




Seniors shouldn’t have to choose between legal protections and the pensions they need to live.

A single or widowed senior couple could be forced to marry to keep their legal protections, which would cause them to lose benefits such as pensions, health care, and social security.

    Now, that I have given you the information on this topic. I hope you have made your decision. Please vote Tuesday, May 8, 2012, protect your family for they are at risk.

References:
www.protectncfamilies.org

www.democraticunderground.com/11377171
 
www.ballotpedia.org/wiki/index.php/North_Carolina_Same-Sex_Marriage,_Amendment_1_(May_2012) 

www.ncga.state.nc.us/Sessions/2011/Bills/Senate/HTML/S106v0.html

www.ncleg.net/Sessions/2011/Bills/Senate/HTML/S514v3.html

 www.ncga.state.nc.us/Sessions/2011/Bills/House/PDF/H777v0.pdf

What It Is Like To Be Served

There was a man named Les. He had a wonderful childhood. He had the life challenges but nothing overwhelming. One day he met his wife to be.Her name was Leeya. Leeya came from a Christian home. Her parents taught her to fear God and reference him. As time went on Leeya and Les fell in love. Les asked Leeya to marry him. Leeya didn't farther her education because her mother felt that a woman place was to serve her husband and family as we serve God. 
Well, Leeya married Les. She doubted if this was the wrong decision. She told God that she loved him. She was going to give all of herself  into this marriage. Leeya served Les. She cooked,clean, iron, washed clothes, etc. Leeya wasn't the average woman. When Les would come home from work she would take off his shoes, undress him and put his work clothes away. When he took his shower she would have his clothes laid out for him. As time went on Leeya started to get tired. She asked God what do it feel like to be served? Now, they had children, Les was an great father. She would ask Les to do things or go places with her. He would just moan and groan about why I have to go? Can you go by yourself? He hardly didn't do any yard work without Leeya complaining. Time went by, Leeya continued to be faithful. One day Leeya wasn't feeling well. She hid it from Les and the children. The children knew something was wrong with their mother. One morning after the children had left for school, Leeya set an emergency doctor appointment. She drove to the doctor office so slowly that she took in every piece of scenery. She never had done that before. When she arrived at the doctor office. The receptionist at the front desk took one look at Leeya.

 "You are sick",  said receptionist . 

She walking with me down the hall to the room seem like eternity. We enter the room I took a short breath, thanking God. 

"Dr.Overton will be in to see you shortly", she said. 

Leeya was afraid of what the doctor might tell her. Leeya waited for five minutes, when she heard the door squeak. She looked up to see Dr.Overton a look of bewildered came upon his face. 

"Leeya what happened?" he asked.

 " I don't know. I started feeling bad a few days ago. This morning I felt like I couldn't barely move." she responded. 

"You are very fatigued. We need to run some test. Do you want me to call Les." he asked.

 "NO! I don't want him to know until you have an answer concerning my health." she said promptly. 

The hours and minutes grasped the seconds as if I was waiting on God's judgement. The nurse came in the room she walked very slowly towards me holding the knowledge of my conviction in her eyes.

"The doctor will be in soon." 


Preparing my mind with every possibility of news, the good and bad. How will Les do without me serving him? How will I be a mother to my children? They depend on me. I do everything. Who will take care of me? Dr. Overton came in the room unnoticeable to my attention.


"Leeya, Leeya I have the results. You have gynecological (vaginal) cancer. Have you had any trouble with pain in that area or abdominal?"


"Yes, I do but not serve."


"Leeya, the cancer is in its last stage. There is nothing I can do."


"No, Dr. Overton, I will tell Les. Thank you."


The drive home was beautiful. She couldn't believe how the sunshine makes the earth greets you. She did her regular routine. After dinner she called the family to sit down in the living room. 


"I am sorry, that I have been keeping this from you. I haven't been feeling well for awhile. Today, I went to the doctor. I have vaginal cancer. It is in the last stage. Dr. Overton can't do anything for me."


Les face was covered in tears. The children jumped and grabbed me so tight I had to ask to let me breathe."


"Mom we need you. We love you." said children.


"The time was getting closer. I could feel it. I was surprised how Les, took care of me. He wouldn't to do things with me or go places with me when I was able. God brought this question back to my remembrance. God what do it feel like to be served?"

My children and Les gathered about the bed. I knew I had to leave but I didn't want to go. I know God said it is time for me to come home. Feeling for Les hand I wanted to feel his touch. I gained his attention to lean closer to me. 

"Yes, Leeya. I love you. I'm sorry that I didn't serve you before now."

She chuckled weakly with her last breath. "Thanks for letting me know what it is like to be served."

Life Blocks and Falls Part 2

" You are back to the question who can you depend on?"

"Yes, I am. I know what God can do.Will I have a tree with any branches or leaves?"

"You better not tell anyone I told you this you will be fine. Yes, you will talk to yourself, laugh more when you think. I can't wait to see your blossom. You are on your way to where you want to be."

"How you know this?"

"Have you notice that everything is going crazy for you, because your blessing is around the corner."

"Do you know how much longer I have to wait?"

"I know when I won't tell you. Continue to stay faithful. The sacrafices you have made will be shown. Everything you want for Rella and family will come to pass. OH! Call focus on the family they will be a post."

"Thanks, for bringing that back to my memory. I will do that."

"Yes, one person has said it for me. I know you vent because you don't feel like you are not heard. That is an issue from your past. Try to let it go, well don't try LET IT GO. Yes, you are selfish. I agree, drama do find you."

" I needed to hear that. Selfish is my new goal."

Losing a Piece of My History

  
       Sitting here in this room, my mind goes back to when I was in fifth grade. Her name was Ms. Brown to her students. I knew her as Ms. Brown and then Sandra Lee. I continue to call her Ms. Brown. She taught my brother and I at James W. Smith Elementary. She was a great teacher. Yes, most teachers goal is to change children lives. Ms. Brown told you that education is your key. It's the way to open that door to opportunities that awaits for you. She had a sense of humor, which I loved. I was told that God called her home yesterday. I will miss her. I wish I had the opportunity to speak with my friend once again. I will always remember what she did tell me. She was proud of me. I will continue to hold that close to my heart. I will keep your family in my prayers.

Rest On!

Loving Yourself

Coming to a point where I want to be naive to what is around me

You look at others wondering where have you gone wrong

The answer is known each time you deny yourself for a quick moment

Once the truth is giving

It won't be accepted

Why should I settle 

When you are being satisfied

I go on with an emptiness that can't be filled with a hand

I guess you will never understand

That I am a woman

I Have Seen It Coming

Crystal ball, Crystal ball

What do you see?

I see you evaluating me.

Crystal ball, Crystal ball

What do I have to see?

I see you listening to me.

Crystal ball, Crystal ball

What is next in line for me?

I see you controlling me.

Crystal ball, Crystal ball

What have I done that you see?

I see you leaving me.

Crystal ball, Crystal ball

What has caused this problem you see?

I have lost respect you see.