Why Don't It Feel Like Thanksgiving?

I hope everyone had a wonderful Thanksgiving. What bother me is how it didn't feel like Thanksgiving. We all work day in day out to provide for our families or just survival. We work so hard to survive until holidays don't feel like it. It is just another day off from work. Let me explain, do you remember when you was younger how businesses would be closed on Thanksgiving. The atmosphere felt warm with excitement. That is not the case. There were restaurants, stores, etc open twenty-four hours on Thanksgiving. Has money taken over family values and  the cares of others ? I feel in some ways it has. It is our responsibility as a people to don't forget what this country has been built upon. "In God we trust" that quote is on every piece of US currency. To those who done good deeds yesterday. I thank you for taking your time to show and share love to those who are less fortunate. As I was thinking about theses restaurants opening twenty-four hours. IHOP was open twenty-four hours, why didn't they open their doors to free meals to homeless, wounded vets, or military families? This would show the reason for the season,instead of just making a profit. My suggestion is when it don't feel like a holiday, do something to make someone else feel good.Just don't do it on a holiday do it year round. Let's get ready for Christmas!

What Been Going On

    I have missed my audience.  I know you are wondering what I've been doing? I have been mostly busy being a Mother first to my beautiful little girl. She is in Kindergarten. Education is very important. Next, I had a good time at the MUMFEST.  Also, I am working on several new poems for three or four poetry contest. I working on my next interview. Please keep a look out on Raychelle's blog. Time is getting closer for the results for the Writer's Digest Self Publishing Awards. I am very excited. I hope "Sweet Dreams" will win or place. "25 Days of Roses" received Honorable Mentioned last year. That's huge for me and my publisher. 

   OH!! Early Voting started Thursday, October 18th. Everyone go vote!! I heard on the local news that we had a great turn out for the first day of early voting. I want that to happen again. Our President has done his job the best of his ability. Ladies and Gentlemen lets really vote when it is time to re-elect the senators and representatives. We need men and women who are going to support our President. You remember the when President Clinton was in the seat. The US was on their feet. We had a surplus beyond measure. I want to see that again. I want to say this while it is on my mind. I am a single parent. Mitt you just labeling close to over half of the families in US as a crime zone. Mitt what's next? I can hear Keri Washington at the Democratic Convention "We are the people". I say "we are the people" who has to make this happen. Go vote!

What You Wanted, Not How You Wanted

"I never been the person who likes to get in trouble or cause confusion. You know what the Bible says paraphrase that "God is love and not of confusion". Well, I stuck my foot in something so deep without me seeing it coming. It began one day I was driving home and my college classmate, BFF called.
"Hello"

"Hey gurly. What's up?" Leah responded.

"Nothing much girl. Just driving home from a meeting." with a calm voice of worry.

"De' Asja, I know you didn't have any meeting today. I saw you with Aspen. You were at the cafe by the art gallery on Fifth Ave.What's going on? I was going to see if you was going to tell me."

"Sorry, girl. I was going to tell you when I got my thoughts together. You know I don't like trouble or confusion. Right now at this moment I am pass knee deep in." replied De

"I have to go Barry is on the other line."

"Bye, De" replied Leah

"Yes, honey"

"Baby, where is my Stacy Adams?" he asked

" Look in the closet on the floor near the container with Winter on it. Do you see them? If not I am on my way home."

"Thanks, I found them. Don't worry about cooking tonight I have a meeting with the Dr. Rawlins. That project I have been working on has been approved."

"Great! Why didn't you tell me?"

" I wanted it to be a surprise. After this is done, I promise I will slow down. We are going to work having a baby again."

"You have said that so many times, Barry. I will see. Only if he knew? What am I going to do? Should I tell him or wait? I'm home, bye."
Driving my car into the garage I see everything he said he was going to do and hasn't. The crack in the driveway, the siding on the house that was partially repaired from Hurricane Ophelia, and my flat tire on my Honda Accord. This tire has been flat for two weeks. Just sad, getting out of the car, the smell is making me nausea. I hurried to unlock the door passed Barry to get to the half bath near the guest room. 

"De' are you ok? Well, I see that you are vomiting like you have that stomach bug going around. I'm going to  reschedule my meeting to stay home."

"No, honey. You worked hard to get this. Call Leah see if she can come over? This give me a chance to see if she can help me."

"Leah, is on her way. I am going to stay until Leah gets here. You look flushed." 
He carried me to the master. He had made the bed so neatly that I wanted to take a picture. This is what I loved about him. Why he wasn't that way with other things around the house." He undressed me gave me a quick wash up, pull the covers back on the bed, gently placed me in the bed.
"You looking so beautiful. Take me back when we first met at the art expo in college. I knew I was going to make you my wife." his eyes smile.

"Knock, Knock! Hey, where is the sick gurly?"

"We are in here Leah." replied Barry.

"Hey, sweetie. You look good and rough?"

"Barry, you go head. That money is calling you. I got your girl."

"Thanks, Leah. I have given her a bath. She needs to eat."

He gentle kissed me on my forehead. Walking away as if it killed him to take each step to walk out of that room. Leah waited long enough to hear Barry car back out of the driveway and down the street. 

"What is really wrong with you?" asked firmly by Leah

"I'm pregnant."

 
 

A Deeper Meaning

A couple of weeks ago I watched the movie "The Reader". That movie has a deep meaning, which took you to a raw place within yourself that some people wouldn't be able to explain. Continuing to think about this movie, took me to a memory. There are memories or events in life that causes others to be shut off from the world and family. Until something happens and you learn that you have to open up to release what you are hiding.The character who played the young gentlemen fell in love with this woman. She was much older and have to be in control. She had to stay in control to hide her truth. Her truth was she couldn't read. When you watch the movie there are several scenes where they made love. I looked at it from the point of view that she wasn't making love to the young boy. She was making love to what he had. What he had that she didn't was education, innocence, and most of all he could read. 

Have you ever seen someone who might have a car that you have dreamed of all your life. I know mine is a Ford Mustang. You look over to see a fine man driving the car that would make you sin just with eye contact. The intelligent young man had attracted her to him. In return she taught him how to make love to a woman but not how to love. That love is giving yourself to those you love. Which caused this young man marriage to crumble. He didn't have the best relationship with his daughter. I will let you see the end of the movie to see what happens. I will say this once you release a secret NO ONE can beat you over the head with it. Don't let your past beat you.You leave it behind and take the wisdom, knowledge and understanding in your heart.

What's Going On With Me cont...

Hello Audience,
     I know it has been a while. I have missed writing the blog. Well, I enjoyed the Blueberry Bash at Bridgeton Elementary. I sold a few books. I met Rep. Norman Sanderson, as well met some new friend and fan. What else I left you with a thought last time could you continue to show love unconditionally if you are constantly mistreated? I know several of you wanted to know what was my thoughts. Here they are, what I am about to say isn't Christian like. Would I show love unconditionally HELL NO!! Let's say E is a real person, she comes out and play time to time. I know God is changing me. Because I had a situation to occur, I didn't break.  That confirmed God is healing me internally. It feels so good, to have that peace. 
     I asked you a question why should a man take a woman out on a date? I received a few responses from friends and ex's. The responses made me think. I know some people ask and told me to read Steve Harvey book. I am beginning to read the book, this book has taught me a few things in another point of view. I will inform you on that at another time. What got me is a few of my male friends had ask me the question back. Then one of my friends who was older and single Father. He is very wise with his words. He put a smile on my face. I'm going to paraphrase "the male interest in the female cause the male to hunger for the female". Another male friend said that to get to know the female. As I continued thinking I went back in my mind. Memories of some crazy experiences came rushing back in a way I was laughing out loud to myself. I think like a male, I went to a male mind for a minute. Not all men are like this but you have to feel them out, ladies.Yea, the game is awesome some are better than others. Sometimes you go for the ride, ladies learn and observe while you are on this ride. Let me clarify this if he is a dealer, pimp, drama, or just not a man, then don't go on this ride to get to know him. Ladies make your list from the movie "Why Did I Get Married?" You know what you can and can't handle. Men you learn from the women as well. Let me explain, if the woman you dating is a fancy hamburger with sweet potato fries with a jar of kool-aid. Males,if you know how to cook; learn what ingredients that make this hamburger so damn good. Is it the brown eggs, the oregano, expensive beef, etc. The main question to ask is this good for you? Can she give me what I need as well give her what she need? Asking them questions on this ride helps you to make that decision to continue or stop at that depot. To the single men and women until we receive what we need enjoy. Most of all love yourself!!!!

What Caused This Experience?

Do you remember when you was a child your Mom or Dad would come by and hit you for no reason. You like what is that for? I had an experience to hit me like what for? I can't understand how and why? I want to know what can I do to change it or what caused this. It was embarrassing and scary at the same time. I know I am a strong confident person. Why? I told you all that I was on this new journey to see some things for myself. I wonder if some way or how I lost myself in someway that I allowed it to happen. I mean, for example have you had someone who build you up and then tear you down. Then you realize that they don't want you to rise above them. I personally feel like that what has happened. I am not sure if that is it. I wish I had the answer but what ever the answer is I want to face it head on. I have duty to share my gift and talents to help others. I have to show people who I am. I can't do that if this experience hits me again. What do I have to do to over come this? That's the question.

One For The Road, Until Next Time

I know today is the last day for awhile. I am going to miss doing this so much. I will keep my promise. I just want to thank you all, again. You ask yourself questions that you can't give the answer to. Then you wonder if your answer would be right. I have learned that you can't answer the question let God give you the answer. Right now I need some answers but I can't give the answer.
 Someone asked me when I said I was changing little by little what did that mean? The answer was the pain, hurt, abuse, mistreatment, gossip, etc that was said or done to me. I am letting it go. This new path I have to take is for me to get somethings back I used to have. If you didn't know, I used to sing. I haven't in years. My writing became my therapy when my marriage went to hell. It was my peace of mind. My writing still is my therapy. It started when I was thirteen with my poetry. Poetry is a type of freedom for me that I wish reality didn't give restrictions for and to. Life has rules. God is love. We as a people should love unconditionally. I know easier said than done. I will leave this thought with you. If you showed love to every person you came in contact with, every one said or done something to hurt your feelings. Would you continue to give love unconditionally?

What's Going On With Me

    I have some good news to inform you. I will be vending at the Blueberry Bash at Bridgeton Elementary School on June 2, 2012. The festival will be taking place from 9am to 3pm. I am working on a interview with a local author on raychelle-writes.blogspot.com. I will let you know when that interview is posted. Also, I am working on vending for the MUMFEST in October. I am continuing to work on other new pieces. One day is left.

Past and Future

 Audience two days left before I bring this to a pause. I will keep my promise. I will write time to time. As I was enjoying my holiday a piece of my past came knocking at my door to let them in. A part of me laughed. I thought at first maybe something was wrong with someone we both knew. Then, yes, it has been over a year maybe two years since this happened. I wonder have I forgave him. The answer is yes. I don't want any part of him. That person do know what he did. They need to realize I don't want any communication with him. God know what you did. I have moved on. My heavenly father will take care of you.
Beginning this new journey of me, the excitement has me shaking. For the first time I said "I wouldn't" going to do something. Personally, once I have ended a friendship or relationship I don't go back. For the first time I want to go back and try it differently. My process of changing little by little has given me this insight on somethings that I didn't see before. What comes to mind is the movie"Meet the Browns". Angela Bassett character was a single mother who was afraid when she fell in love with Rick Fox. She saw the love but when someone always wanted something from you. You can't tell the difference. I want to see what love is for real this time.

To Let You Know

     Hello Audience. I hope you are all well. I thought about this long and hard before I made this decision. As I am writing this to you. It hurts like hell. I know it is what I need to do for this particular time. I have to decided to discontinue the blog as of May 31st. I will peak my head in time to time to place a few words but I will not give it the attention of three days a week. I am so sorry to my readers and followers. This is where the fork in the road will make me or break me. I know I need this time for me. Also, I will keep you informed on any events, workshops or accomplishments that will take place. I thank you all. Please come in, click and read the pages of thoughts that I have left. I hope some has been encouraging and life lessons. Take care for now so I can so I can hug you later.

M.H. Avery

Trust

     It's amazing how things happen in life. You began to take steps before things occur. When the situation unfold you aren't surprised. The answers that you have been looking for still haven't revealed itself to you. You pray and listen. Confirmation comes in many forms, but you have to have someone to hold your hand through this transformation. The question present itself who can I trust? You know you can rely on your higher power. You hate to constantly leaning on that faithful one. Keep asking, searching and listening for that sign of that trustworthy friend. The song "You That I Trust"by Rance Allen, that song takes me to a inner peace. A peace that you wish you could feel everyday. Some say that's possible how when you forgot how to trust. Someone makes a statement I bet you afraid to close your eyes. I say"you damn right". I don't know what you would do to me. How do I live? I don't you cope and keep it moving.Once I get over this challenge I know I will go where I need to be placed. I'm back to one of the questions on the list. What's the next step?

My View As A Parent

    If you didn't know May is National Parenting Month. I  learned this listening to a local radio program. I know as a parent I second guess myself wondering if you have a done a good job. We do get that confirmation when someone tells you that you are doing a great job. It do makes you feel good. There are days you wish you had several clones of yourself so you can give your children more time. If you work, that is eight hours of your day as it is. The child or children in school that seven to eight hours of their day. Then Mother or Father gets home have to cook, help the children with their homework, or pick up food, go to a activity and  get to bed so you can prepare for the next day. That is your week. The weekend is time to relax but house chores has to be done before the fun begins. 
   Parents sometimes you wonder what can we do after we paid the bills, put a little money in saving and there isn't really enough left to do anything with the kids. Well, there is check your local newspaper for what events that you can attend that is fun. Better yet they are learning without their knowledge of it. If you have  a teenager that is a little different. An example with a teenager is shop online or play some games online. Another activity you can do as a whole family is give back to the community. Volunteer at a local shelter, soup kitchen, Salvation Army  or any organization that needs your help for a couple of hours. This is a life lesson to teach your children and remind yourself how fortunate you are. The career of being a Parent is the hardest job. The reward is the greatest.


References:
http://www.parentingwithoutpressure.com/holidays/PURPOSEFUL.htm

Adopt A Hero

Dear Audience,

     I thank you for your support and advice, that I have received concerning the books, poetry, articles and the blog. If you haven't visit my website. I donate to several charities. The charity I have been donating my time and money to is Adopt A Hero. Adopt A Hero is a organization founded by Ryan Rust and his mother. This program help soldiers adjust to his or her deployment. Also, the soldiers need hygiene supplies, snacks books,etc. Each soldier may have a different requests. This charity is great. I enjoy meeting a new people. I feel a sense of fulfillment showing my appreciate to our servicemen and women. I recommend this to any who are skeptical about where their money go towards in any charitable organization. This charity you know where your money go because you are purchasing the supplies, packing and paying to send the packages. Another great perk is you can file this on your taxes.
Monday, May 28th is Memorial Day. In the name of a fallen soldier, a friend or a family in the military Adopt A Hero. If you don't want to Adopt A Hero. You can visit www.mellaniecrouell.com to see the list of supplies of the soldier I have adopted. This is my second adoption. This something I do with my daughter as well to teach her about giving back to others. I ask of you to give your time and show appreciation to a soldier or family. I thank you.  

References:
adoptahero.us
www.ryanrust.com

Waiting On My..............

     We all have experienced when "HELL" has broken loose in our lives. You actually ask God what did you do ? I used to ask that question. I don't anymore. I just tell God where is my blessing. He tells me its not finished yet, continue to fight this temptation and stand. I think about my daughter when I tell her to be still or sit when she is being a child. God gives me the warning  like Madea gave that little boy "three o'clock".....LOL. Then I go somewhere and sit and fight life until God say I can move now. Its funny how life can be a hurricane for days, weeks, months, and maybe years. Once that hurricane passed you noticed how hot is it. You see the damage all around you. You don't have lights and running water but you have PEACE. That's greater than anything else in the world. The PEACE of mind. If you are going through, just hold on can't wait to see the damage!!! 

A Fallen Soldier

    This poem is dedicated to the fallen soldiers who has served our country. Remember Memorial Day is on May 28th, please try to attend a service or show your appreciate to a family that has lost a soldier. Also, today congratulations to the Craven Community College graduates, enjoy the doors of opportunity before you. Thank you.

Fallen Soldier

Defense strategy

Rapid heartbeat

Calmness borders each solider knowing that they have insurance of armor

The option of fear is no option

Taking the next step into uncertainty was my last

Wounded with agony not going to see my family and friends again

Breathing isn't a bother it happened instantly

I'm alone on this new path

While my family weep at what I have left for them

I am welcome home

Need A Break

Hello, to my international audience sorry that the post is a little late this morning. 

Need A Break

Feeling some kind of way that failure is an option

Looking at life in another point of view

Don't know what will happen next

Continue to pray that a break enter my door

It's time to regroup

1,2,3

Mother's Day Last Minute Shopping

     May 8th is here! I just want to send the reminder to go vote today! Now I am going to leave that alone. We know Mother's Day is May 13th. I know some of us are doing last minute shopping. So, here are some local places that you can find a great gift for your Mom. The local stores are:

• Beads-n-Bowls (downtown New Bern) on 220 Craven St. across from Mitchell Hardware.
• Charisma (New Bern) 3111 Trent Road
• Carolina Creations (downtown New Bern) 317 A Pollock Street
• Bath and Body Works (New Bern Mall)
• Target, Walmart, Zales, Kays (these are all jewelry stores, upscale)

    Well, here a few places to get you started if you haven't stared shopping yet. If you don't have the money pamper her for that day. It isn't all about gifts but showing her the love and respecting her as your Mother. God gave us one Mother. We have to cherish her while God have them because that post have made their foundation. Now, you will be in charge to build the next layer for your children,grandchildren. Remember to show the love everyday besides Mother's Day!

My Opinion

   I know you are getting tired of hearing about Amendment One. Yesterday I voted. I will give my personal opinion on the law. On my post "For Your Information", I had a comment asking me the question am I for gay rights or children. Really, it's no body business. I will say that I have no right to judge anyone who is gay, straight or in between. I know what I was told to do by God. That is to treat people like I want to be treated and show love. 
I ask of you read this law before you go vote. The single women and Mother's who never been married or married but divorced. If you think you are struggling now. It is going to be HELL if this law is passed. Single women instead of waiting for Mr.Right you will be trying to find him. The politicians was very smart to use this issue of same sex  marriages to cause an up roar. The opportunity to keep gay partners from receiving same rights as a husband or wife in a legal marriage. If you think about it they have rights now married or not. They are a US Citizen just like you. Tell me what is the difference?
Yes, the churches are looking at the same sex marriages. We know what the Bible has taught the people of God. You want to stand by your morals fine. Don't be naive and hurt yourself trying to hurt someone else. I am not placed here on this earth to judge. I am here to use my gift/talents that I was given and help others. It don't matter if they gay, purple, green, Latino, Asian, etc. If I can help you I will that is my personal goal. I will leave this with you.
Would you hurt someone else because you can?

What Did I See? cont.

"What do you mean? Are you telling me I am beautiful, sexy, strong, etc. What is it?"


"You said there as somethings that once you are hurt internally that you can't get back."


"Yes."


"I am ready for some things we had discussed, when you learned what your goal is. You haven't stopped. I get tired but when the day that break do come. I will bring it back to your remembrance. I will give you this hint, feed me."


"Ok, I am trying to figure out what you are saying. I think I know what you mean. I will hold on. Are you telling me you are tired."


"I would like to rest. I had breaks here and there. You never had a real vacation?"


"Yes, that is true. I have but it was before my life changed. I was in the beginning of learning what life is. The opportunities was great. I have a lot of what if's. I don't let them haunt me except one. I will get the answer to that one."


"I know you will. Fresh is best!"

What Did I See?

"Hey you."


"What's happening? You have been ghosted for awhile."


"I have been busy that's all. Why?"


"I am just asking. You have been quiet."


"What do you mean?"


"You don't check in hardly anymore. Well, life keeps me busy."


"For real, that's more than a trillion people that can say that."


"Ha ha! You have jokes today. What is the answer you looking for."


"You have all the answers right here."


"Please explain?"


"If I explain then people know things they shouldn't know. I will say this, you make sure your left hand don't know what your right hand doing."


"Thank you. I'm shocked to hear that from you. Now, what do you want?"



"Nothing, writer. You are doing well. Oh! Before I forget congrats on "What Do You See?"


"Thanks again."


"You are welcome. I am waiting for someone to see you the way I do."

The Freedoms of Honesty

Hello! I just want to inform you that due to my daughter activities, I will post on Wednesday. This is temporary for now. I will let you know when I change back to regular schedule.

The Freedoms of Honesty

    Are there days when you wish upon a star

You don't care where you are

This is what you see

You and me in this sea

Drama free

I couldn't help but just be 

Understand honesty is me

Internally, Can't Get It Back

   (Due to I have a busy day Thursday, you are receiving the post early)    

      To the women who has been abused sexually, mentally, emotionally, verbally and physically. It's amazing how you loose apart of yourself. Talking with one of my good friends reminds me that we won't NEVER get it back. Some people might see us as mental ill but we not. 
   I think of the person I used to be. You look at children, the innocents is so beautiful.  Tears fills your eyes because you wish you could  have it just for a second. You know that isn't possible. You learn to grab hold to what you can. Especially, the special moments that can't be recorded only in your heart. Facing this reality is truth. No one deals in truth anymore. Where someone else may bite their tongue, you would speak the truth. It's like you don't care. After you have been torn into internally no one can't relate to this pain. Yes, you are put back together, there are patches everywhere. You love again but you don't have the full passion as once before. Because a flashback will transport you but it is process. A process that will take you back and forth. If the man can't relate to where this woman has been you don't know what button might be the trigger. 
  To boys who thinks they are men you aren't ready. Don't play the games. We know the games. The abuser taught us so well that we can smell you before you hit the step. So, keep it moving,please. Men who are ready to take the challenge you better be for real. If you make a mess this time might send her over the edge.

Life Please Slow Down

  Yes, I know you all have heard that you shouldn't complain because it could be worse. That is true but we all want life to slow down just a little. The type where you can get up in the morning appreciate the bird singing or your child or children laughter. Life do keep you so busy that you forget to enjoy the small things. I know for me I wish I could just get up go where ever my heart desires. I know that day will come. The question is when? As I would tell someone else don't do the woulda, coulda, and shoulda song. You won't ever know if you don't do it. Please be wise in the process, most of all enjoy it. Nike said it best " just do it!"

Craven County Time To Vote!

   Remember I said that the primary is around the corner. Well, its here! The early voting started Thursday, April 19. The last day to vote is May 5, if I am correct. If you don't get to vote in the early, please vote on Tuesday, May 8. Also, remember the vote against Amendment One. Again, if you would like more information on this law visit www.protectncfamilies.org. 
   Next, look up information on the people that are running. This election the people of Craven County have to vote in the following categories:

1. NC District Jugde-Dist.3
2. County Board of Education-Dist. 5
3. NC Auditor
4. NC Commissioner of Agriculture
5. NC Commissioner of Insurance
6. NC State Senate-Dist. 2
7. NC House of Representatives-Dist.3
8. NC Superintendent of Public Instruction
9. NC Treasurer
10. NC Secretary of State
11. NC Lieutenant Governor
12. NC Governor

   The first category is NC District Judge. The three gentlemen that are running for this position is David McFayden III, Kirby Smith,  and Bernard Bush. These gentlemen websites are linked to their names. Please make the best choice according to your standards. Also, if you are unsure where you can early vote or vote on May 8. Here is the link www.cravencounty.com/departments/elc/CravenCountyPrecincts.cfm  to the Craven County elections page for your precinct. If you have any more questions concerning the election, please call (252) 636-6610.



References:
Craven County Elections: www.cravencounty.com/departments/elc.cfm

I'm Home

  We all been in relationship in that you thought you met the right man or female. Time goes by, everything is good but then comes the cliff. Women and men came to a point that if we didn't go we knew where we are going to be. Unfortunately we wouldn't be as lucky like Madea. When I wrote "Making It Home" I was in a place that this relationship was going be forever. It didn't work out that way, it took a  bad turn. Now, I have part two for you. I hope this will rejuvenate  relationships. Please enjoy!!

Making It Home

I rest my head upon your bosom

I breathe according to your heartbeat

Every tear I shed is a testament to you

As I eat the bitter, sweet love making in your mind

Her sweet soft tones of intimates woes

Would make a man crave for her satisfaction

Gentle touching caressing his mescaline face

Her curves connecting to rough grip hands

His love swallows her with the pleasure

That she want for an eternity

"As we lay"the eternity turned into the next fifty years

A wish a hope upon a star did turn the wanted dream

It was full realty

More love and passion than this relationship have ever known

For the time we shared it gave me that feeling of home

Now I'm Home

I thought I made the feeling of home 

Learning to let it free years later

I'm a survivor 

Continuing to be afraid to love

Yes, let it free

I'm trying to fight my fear

Love has gently entered my heart
The open arms protect me with care
I hear the words
Let me love you
Now, you are home

Let It Free Everyday (LIFE)

    Have you ever seen someone walking, he or she seem like they dragging that leg or foot. As you continue observe the person you realize that if they just pick that leg or foot up he or she would move better and stumble not as much. That's how life gets you sometimes. You don't realize it until someone else tells you. Really, you knew but didn't want to realize it. You are afraid too stumble. That what life is stumbling, falling, screaming, crying, birth, and death. You may say I know this why are you telling me this today or what is the purpose? I can't tell you but whatever it is. Let it free everyday (LIFE)!

Warning Signs of Abusive Personality

    Readers, I don't like to go very personal on "My Free Thoughts" but today I will. I am a survivor of an abusive relationship. I was thinking there are a lot of women who don't know the signs still. I am not trying to be mean but be real. We have people in this world who have knowledge and NO common sense. There are people like you and I who has both. If you have both you are going to look deep before you leap, seriously for real you will three or as many times before you step into a relationship with the signs. At this time I want to warn everyone, especially women  of the signs. I would like you to visit this site www.pennybealememorialfund.org for more about the signs of abusive personality. Also, women who are doing online dating. If this male asking questions like he is the police, demanding your attention, pushing himself on you, these are a few signs to cut conversation at that moment. If you decide to meet someone in person from online. Ladies, DO NOT go by yourself. Please MEET in a public setting!! Please take someone with you. LOOK OUT FOR YOUR well being first. Please take warning to the signs.
     Here are the signs:

1. Jealousy
2. Unrealistic Expectations
3. Isolation
4. Hypersensitivity
5. Threats of violence- let me give you another view on this you all remember Blair Underwood character in "Medea Family Reunion". Well, sometimes that character can come a little tighter in his game. You have to LISTEN to his words. HOW the tone of the words are used. OH! While it hits my mind DO NOT take anything from these men. They take it as if you OWE them. They will give threats like "I will kill you" or "hurt you".
6. Cruelty to children and animals
7. Verbal abuse- Constantly criticize blatantly, degrades, curses at you and call you ugly names
8. Rigid sex roles- you stay at home while he runs the street, give him sex when he wants it, etc.
9. Sudden Mood Swings
10. Past Battering-the favorite that television and the world has heard. "They made me do!"

I will do more on this from other points of views. No woman should be treated this way. Ladies be safe! Please contact me questions or concerns at writer.poet.crouell@gmail.com.

References:

Healthy Place www.healthyplace.com
Penny Beale Memorial Fund www.pennybealememorialfund.org/abusivepersonality.html

What Is Next?

     You ask the question what am I suppose to do now?   I have open my heart. It feels nice to feel again, but afraid to the unknown. Yes, unknown? You wish you knew you could know who is out to hurt you or just trying to make you look bad. That isn't possible, completely unreal. What comes to mind is when a baby take their first steps. It's funny to me how some babies take their first step, it seem like they take off running. Then other babies are too afraid. They are afraid they will get hurt or don't want to fall. Well, we all fall in life. Do you get back up? The song said it all. What if the air get knocked out me? I have to rest and recuperate. Sometimes you can't recuperate because you won't  get back out there.You peak your head in the curtains of life just to see what's going on. Then it's closed again. When you closed the curtains opportunities pass you by. The battle of  contentment  and desire begins. This is where your faith will kick in or you faint. If you faint then your contentment has won. You aren't going to care to have more. What you have is what you have. Am I going to help someone to receive better? No, because I am content in what I do. If you faith kicks in, then you are going to pray, search and hear for a word to let you what direction to take. When you get that direction, the desire to share with others completes you. You look for the next project with anticipation.

Open My Heart

     We all get hurt in life. It's just the way its goes. Yes, we make mistakes along the way that cause us to grow. Have you ever ran into that person, who show loves. The moment you have to get close to he or she. They shut down. You ask yourself how? Why? When? You say that he or she shouldn't let that hurt run their life. Well that easier said than done. There might have been a time he or she was reaching out and open their heart. I know from my experience church folk will do it. The partner, spouse, or boyfriend can hurt you until you become a hollow hole internally. Your body and mind goes through emotions that no one can  mentally express. You might  say I can handle the hurt. I want to be loved.
    You know that the ONLY way to receive love is to be open. That battle begins internally. Oh! It's a ugly fight. You will find yourself in tears. The emotions that you once barred to just move on. It hits you like a brick. I know personally, I feel if I start crying I wouldn't stop. I wouldn't cry or you might have heard that you cry about everything. I see it now as your way to keep myself pure and cleansed when you cry. I challenge you to move the pain. I NEED you to open your heart. Here is a piece of work by 
Mellanie Crouell entitled "Open My Heart".

Open My Heart

Mellanie Crouell

For years I open the door

But I wouldn't let anyone in

I would show love and affection

Just as I should

When it’s my turn

I shut down and push him away

Now, I am battling this fight

It’s time to let someone in

Fear of hurt is haunting me

Remembering the pieces of me

Once swept away

Do I deserve this love?

Yes, you have to let him inside

So, he can breathe into me

Move On, Just Stop

    If you may remember in one of my post, I put that some of your friends that you thought would be there with you to the end. He or she might not be there. Well, I experienced that several months ago. I have moved on, some times others don't so quickly. I'm learning that people want what they want. They also feel you should do it the way that want you to do it. Everyone is different and not going to think the same. That isn't good enough, you question yourself looking for answers. Only to find that you are done. There is nothing else you can do. They tell you that you owe me. Most people say if you nag me I will give it to you to get  him or her out of my hair. I'm the opposite. You nag me I just hold it, until. I feel within that if I do give in the nagging won't stop. The adventure of what can I do to get a response will continue in a different form. I will say if it is something important to tell me, such as life or death, let me know. Anything less or more than that will be discontinued.

For Your Information

Readers, if you remember I wrote a post on “Your Family Is at Risk”.  The time to vote on Amendment One is getting closer. Tuesday, May 8 is around the corner. Yes, it’s still April but I want you to spread the word.  I have been hearing conversation concerning this bill. I kindly inform them that it isn’t about the gay marriage or rights. This is a decoy to get this bill passed. If you haven’t read the post please educate yourself on this law. Voting for this law will hurt so many families. This is serious. As this nation voted to put President Obama in the White House, I want you all to vote this bill out!

            An issue that is storming the surrounding area is the protesting against the ferry fees. For years the ferry was free to all travelers. The state told the DOT that they had to come up with $5million in revenue. Well, this was their way to get the revenue. People are facing hard times. We have a budget that can’t be stretched for others. According to the “Sun Journal” that the citizens of Pamlico couldn’t come to an agreement on hire a lobbyist at the meeting in February. They wanted to have another meeting with General Assembly before the tolls go into effect. The toll has been scheduled for April 1, 2012.  The meeting with General Assembly will be in May. A suggestion was made to get Rep. Norman Sanderson to plead their case. This wouldn’t cost the tax payers more money. Having Rep. Sanderson plead the case will save tax payers money. I won’t save them money paying these toll fees. It’s expensive to add another $20 dollars a month or more to their budget.  Especially to the people who work, veterans need to get to the base for their medical treatment. Yes, some people feel that we fought now let it go. I feel you can’t let this fight go until the people receive a fair solution.

            Residents of Craven County, if you want to help President Obama to be re-elected, give your time. I know you say I don’t have time to do this or that. This is for you as well. Give your time if it is just thirty minutes or hour. Your vote can save this country or your area from more hardship. We need to register as many voters as possible. Most of all show our President that you got his back.

References:

www.newbernsj.com

mhavery.blogspot.com/2012/03/your-family-is-at-risk.html

mhavery.blogspot.com/2012/03/president-obama-look-at-facts.html

Response to Courageous

  Reading the comment to "Courageous", I know several women who raised boys, rather young men. Their sons turn out fine. They are successful educated with families. I'm not saying that. Maybe there is someone you feel can't raise boy into a man. What I've seen from my experience that if there wasn't a man in the household. These young men in today's society would turn to gangs, drugs,peer pressure,or any other downward path. You have young men who has that father in the house. That father teaches his son the right path, how to respect and honor a woman. That isn't the case in for a young man who have that father in the home, who isn't setting that example. This young man is facing the same path. If he decide to break the mold. He has to fight all type of negativity from his Father, Mother and relatives. This young man is own a journey by their self. For the young man that is looking for acceptance, guidance and love. The movie"Courageous" inspire and encourage men to step up to build a new generation of men. We have let enough fall by the waste side. I challenge all men to step up. You may ask what else can I do? I know you feel  I have enough on my plate. Sure, you do but take it another level at home. If you have a son or daughter have that individual time, find out what's on their mind. Yes, we all get tired. It our responsibility to protect this gift that has been given to us. If you do ask that question. The answer will present itself to you at the time you will  not look for it. I want to hear about your experience. Your experience will help someone else.

Courageous

Back in January or February, I was invited to a local church movie night. The movie was "Courageous". This movie was emotional, powerful and encouraging. The opening of the movie puts you on your toes. Your are screaming, praying, and holding your breath at the same time. This movie is a testament that we need more good men and Fathers. We see too many of these young men in prison. Then, once this young man once he is released from his sentence. He is now older he is placed in society. This man is scared because prison walls is all he know. It is time for men to be better husbands and fathers. First, these men/boys having sex with these girl/women, and don't want to be a Father. Also, they didn't have the influence of a Father figure in the home. They don't realize that they are  responsible for that seed they both created.  She didn't laid down by herself to have sex, nine months later decide to put her life on hold. I want these boys/men to know that you aren't hurting these girls/women.You are hurting an innocent child. This child need love and parents. He or she wasn't asked to come into this world.The male need to be responsible for their own seed. The girl/woman get pregnant don't want to be but have to deal with the decision that was made. These women can't put down this child and pick him or her up when they feel like it. This is another life that  they both are responsible for. Yet, this young man don't get that concept. Now, the help from Social Services aren't there to help you to get ahead. It is more to keep you on the system. When she attempts to take the right step by going back to school or take vocational course. Which she could make more money. Her services are cut from Social Services. She has to figure out how to survive to take care of a child that you don't contribute. Please let me say this if you do pay child support. This DON'T MAKE YOU A FATHER. A father spends time with their child. He fills the need of the child without being asked. Why should she asked when its your child too. These men/boys feel that she is forcing him to be a Father when they don't want to be. One of solution to the problem is men show these boys/ men how to be men, Fathers and husband. Because I need one. The future women of the next generation deserve a good man.

In The Mood Of Ole School

 Hello Readers!! 


    I hope your day has been well. I was in the feel of some music. Here's some of my favorites. Let's begin with the O'Jays.


Stairway To Heaven

Earth Wind and Fire _ September, Would You Mind

Johnny Mathis ft. Denise Williams
I hope you enjoyed these videos. Please share some of your favorite songs/ videos. Maybe we can have a battle of music. I would love to see who will win! Readers, sorry I was hoping that the post would be ready and it isn't yet.  I will do the post as soon as I can. Please keep check in for the post. Thank you for your support!

Being Placed With A Challenges

     Most of the day I have been trying to decide what do I want to write about today. As I sit here in this chair nothing is comes to mind. I am not feeling my best lately.I have been going through an experience. It isn't knew to me but do you ever wonder why you are in a place or position. Why does it seem like when you enter that place or position. It seem like hell has just broken loose. The more you try to get away from the position. The more you realize that you are made to stay there in that place. While you are in that place, you face all emotional stress. Your body feels things that you thought that was once barred. You come back from that side looking for some help. Yes, you call your friends. They can relate but it isn't nothing like going through it. You know you have been placed in this place for a reason. Why do I have to be on guard? You are so on guard that you can't give what is needed from you. Just the simplest mistakes are taken to whip you with it. The mistakes aren't intentional. The reaction to the mistake makes you feel as if you are the dumbest person on earth. The sympathy that you once accepted don't rise no more. I can tell your higher power. He will solve the problem.  Yet, still I rise!! 

Where To Find The Answer To A Life Question

     As boys and girls we grow up saying I want to be a dancer, etc. Usually whatever we see on television. Yes, your parents has their occupation but that isn't who they are either. As you continue to grow up your parents say you are so good at this and that. That talent or skill wasn't embraced. So, life takes you on a journey with the question, what is my purpose?


    For others it might be different how they got there but the question still remain what is my purpose? The dream you had as boy or girl that you was so passionate about could been your dream. Life goes on you learn life lesson, it may change. If anything makes you feel good inside to make you a better person. Most of all make people around you better, I feel that is your answer. Now, the dream is put aside to give to family and children. You continue to fill that emptiness or the filling what am I missing and the shoulda, coulda, woulda. I want to encourage you its never too late. I hear that so much for people. I think about the Bible. If Sarah can have a baby at the age of 99, that what the Bible say. Then, anything possible! Ask your higher power for guidance to lead you. Do your research, take the small steps in doing what  it is necessary to get started. Your purpose will show through others. When others might feel that you are gone crazy. Internally, you will know that this your answer.


     If you aren't still sure, write down things that you like to do that make you feel good. Then write the dreams. It might help if you get out and do volunteer work in that area to see if you are good at this particular skill. The answer will come when you least expect it.


     

What It Like To Be Served cont.

"Lane, Lane! yelled Dad.

"Yes, what is it?" she asked.

"What was you doing? I called for you twice."

"Dad, I was in my room listening to music. I couldn't hear you because I had my headphones on."

"Lane, would you take off my shoes, please?" asked Dad.

"No, Mom said when this day come to tell you. No. If you think I'm being disrespectful. I will show you the letter."

"Go get it now!" he commanded.

Lane slowly walked to her room calmly and confident. She promised her Mom that no man will make her a servant. Her Mom told her to get an education, travel the world, all of it at your fingertips. The more Lane remembered what her Mom told her. A smile of joy and happiness began to show outward.

"What are you smiling about?" asked Dad.

"Nothing, Dad. Here is the letter."
Lane handed her father the letter knowing everything Mom said before she died was true about Dad. He read the letter with tears filling his eyes."
"Dad, are you crying? I haven't seen you emotional since Mom gave us the news about the cancer." said Lane.

"Lane your Mom sound so happy in this letter. It bring back memories when we went on our first date. I thought she was so beautiful. God gave me a gift. I didn't take care of her like I should. I can't get my angel back. I took advantage of her. She used to tell me that the kids are going to grow and have their lives. We need to have ours now, so when they start theirs we won't miss a step. Lane, your Mother treated me like a King. I didn't treat her like the Queen she should have. I blame myself daily." Dad replied.

"Dad, you know what you did wrong. It's is time to heal. Be there for us while we are here. I pray God give you someone who you will cherish like you should. Dad, who should be served?"

Poetry

Love Is Moving Out

Stepping into the window

Looking for answers that can't be given

Being desired sexually

I have confessed my love

The games continually to be played

Laughing at me when the reaction

Tickle your fancy in every way

I'm not looking to be played

I want to be loved

You told me what you won't do

This can't be anymore

Because hurt is making its home with me

My Love

In and out of this emotional path

Wanting to be loved without the game of back and forth

Heather said it best "I wish I wasn't in love with you. Because you never going to change"

You make me want to break the chains

Once I had given myself to you our spirit connected

It was our responsibility to make it work, but

Why didn't you protect it?

President Obama: Look At The Facts

If someone ask me what you think of when you hear President Obama name. I think of an intelligent man who didn’t have much. He worked hard to have the American dream. He did just that! He is a man that loves his family. I also say First Lady Michelle has a great man. Second, I think of how he has kept his cool. At a time when the odds are against him, the negative comments and media are smacking him down with his decisions that were made. If you have seen the video, his mother had ovarian cancer. Which he watch her die due to not having healthcare. After several Presidents has attempted to tackle this huge issue. President Obama succeeds. The healthcare bill was passed. This is a man who has a heart for people. He isn’t trying to do what is going to make him look good. He is for the people. He hasn’t always had the best. President Obama hasn’t forgotten where he has come from. I rather have that person sitting in the White House who knows what it is like to struggle, taking care of a family and living day by day. Than someone who haven’t wonder where their next meal is going to come from. How they are going to put clothes and shoes on their children. As I watch Romney, I heard him in one of the debates say he would have let our automotive industry go down. President Obama didn’t do that. He risked knowing that the workers would suffer at a time where the stock market was bottoming out. No jobs mean any money; President didn’t want a depression to take place. I know what it is like. I was unemployed for almost a year. I used all my saving to survive. Last summer I was about on my last leg when the door of opportunity opened for me. This occurred when the job market was starting to look up.  Well all remember 9-11. That day will be remembered for all the lives that were lost. President Obama commanded the Navy Seals to kill Bin Laden. The mission was successful. He gave our country closure after ten years. The ad you see gives the accomplishments. Our people look at the facts. DON’T BELIEVE WHAT YOU HEAR. That is what President Obama wants you to look at. Roll back the curtain; I remember where I was in 2008. May I ask the questions to you are you better now or worse?

I Can't HELP You With This

"Writer, how are you?"


"I am fine. I wish...."


"Are you getting tired lately? You have been doing some great work."


"Yes, I am. I need more time and rest. Thank you, I have heard that too. I have to believe it."


"I know what you want. This is a part of life. I witness what happened yesterday. I know. Can't change it you have to let it go. You have to let people think what they want. I know and you know, that what counts. Your answer from the past will come in due time."


" I do hear you. I am not crazy. Are you telling me that?"


"I didn't go there."


" That is mean. At least you are honest. I can't let my thoughts constantly replay and beat me up. I can't change it. I have to let it go. The answer that I once wanted I don't care to happen. I just want the feeling to go away. I really like to beat that person with every bit of  my energy to feel my hurt. I know you can't help me. God have to help me with this one."


" Yes, he do. This isn't in my area."

Still Here

Hello Readers!!
     Today is the 20th post. I want to thank you all for checking in to read my thoughts, opinions, poetry and story. I can't say thank you enough. When I started this blog. It was something to clear my head of all life issues. You know how life can take you by storm. You get overwhelmed wondering if you can make it the next day or not. You get that voice of encouragement from someone that reminds you that you can go on.I wasn't sure to share this with everyone or not but I see I have made the right decision.  I thank you everyone for those words of encouragement. As I sit here thinking tears begin to fill my eyes thankful for surviving my journey day to day. We all have a testimony. My mind goes back to a old sermon it was entitled "BUT GOD!" This is what I know!! RIGHT, KIM!!! I am still in transformation. I get excited like a child asking are we there yet? God is like Mellanie. You still get amazed of what I have done and still do. I do tell him. You do remember what I have done in the past. He tells me that is the past. Sometimes we all feel that we don't deserve the things we receive. Well, that isn't the process for everyone. Before I leave you to begin my day. My books are being sold at Beads and Bowls downtown New Bern across from Mitchell Hardware Store. The books reviews on "25 Days of Roses" and "Sweet Dreams" should be posted soon by Raychelle Muhammad. The young lady that interviewed in February. Continue to keep me in your prayers, if there is anything that I can do to help someone. LET ME KNOW!

Your Family Is At Risk

     We all love our families. You never think that anyone would harm a relatives despitefully to make an point. I feel that Amendment One is used just for this purpose along with others.

     Amendment One is a law that were based off out three bills that were filed by the NC Senate and House. The bills are SB 106, SB 514 and HB 777. The base of the bills were against same sex marriages. Here are the facts! The Amendment One will show on the ballot "Marriage between one man and one woman is the only domestic legal union that shall be valid or recognized in this state" on May 8th. Personally, I feel they use the same sex marriage as a decoy to get the people to vote for this bill/law. As I received a fact sheet on this Amendment, children, seniors, and parents are going to be affected the most if this is passed. 

Here are the reasons to not vote for Amendment One.

Strips legal protections from children.

A child of an unmarried parent could lose their health care and prescription drug coverage, putting the child’s heath at risk.

A child could be taken away from a committed parent who has loved them their entire life if something happens to the other parent.

It threatens existing child custody and visitation rights that are designed to protect the best interests of a child.

Could take away domestic violence protections for all unmarried women.

 The amendment is a dangerous step backward for domestic violence and stalking protection.
Domestic violence protections could only apply to married couples.

In Ohio, where a similar amendment passed, this loophole has allowed convictions to be overturned.

This amendment has the power to leave open for question how North Carolina’s domestic violence laws are applied—threatening our state’s victims of domestic violence.

“This [post-amendment] period of uneven application and uncertainty will only mean fewer protections for the already vulnerable as well as an enormous waste of state resources.”

– Professors Maxine Eichner, Barbara Fedders & Holning Lau, UNC School of Law




Seniors shouldn’t have to choose between legal protections and the pensions they need to live.

A single or widowed senior couple could be forced to marry to keep their legal protections, which would cause them to lose benefits such as pensions, health care, and social security.

    Now, that I have given you the information on this topic. I hope you have made your decision. Please vote Tuesday, May 8, 2012, protect your family for they are at risk.

References:
www.protectncfamilies.org

www.democraticunderground.com/11377171
 
www.ballotpedia.org/wiki/index.php/North_Carolina_Same-Sex_Marriage,_Amendment_1_(May_2012) 

www.ncga.state.nc.us/Sessions/2011/Bills/Senate/HTML/S106v0.html

www.ncleg.net/Sessions/2011/Bills/Senate/HTML/S514v3.html

 www.ncga.state.nc.us/Sessions/2011/Bills/House/PDF/H777v0.pdf